More and more women decide to face motherhood individually. In IVI, en the last five years, women who choose to form a single-parent family have doubled. They are brave women, sure of themselves, very stable, with very high levels of self-confidence … but that does not mean that they feel doubts and fears when facing this decision. At IVI aware of this reality, and of the importance of information and support, we have edited a guide that will solve all these unknowns. It’s about the guide, The best decision, which can be downloaded for free and contains all the information to face the path to single parenthood.
We wanted to ask Andrea Alonso, psychologist of IVI Las PalmasWhat are those questions that these women have in their minds, and especially, that they give us answers to help solve them.
He tells us everything in this post.
The single parenting It has been the result of relevant social changes in recent years, in which women have adopted new roles and have broken with the traditional cliché that defined them. Key movements began in the 1980s that led to the emergence of family planning, divorce, adoption, and assisted reproduction laws. So gradually the family models began to change and move away from the traditional structure supposedly “ideal”.
Amid so much social change, single-parent motherhood has been consolidated, far from the forced motherhood of yesteryear derived from the breakdown of a relationship or the death of a couple. Now it is women who decide to be mothers, who choose the time and circumstances to enjoy the family they want. This push of the first visionary women also gave rise to laws, social benefits, services for families, forums and various associations.
More and more households are made up of a mother and her little ones. Only in our IVI clinics in recent years the number of treatments for single women increased by 21%. Some “Moms” they chose according to their circumstances and medical advice, by insemination with donor sperm, for others it was necessary to add egg donation and in others cases his dream came true through embryo adoption.
But despite the normalization of this family model and the medical techniques at hand, still for some women making this decision is a significant challenge.
But… why is single parenting a challenge?
Because motherhood, although highly desired and expected, involves a substantial change in the life of the person, a great responsibility and is framed in a specific social and family context.
And now …… let’s get to the point. If you are reading this article, you may be considering the idea of being a single mother. Perhaps you are thinking about it, you have already read the experience of other “Moms” who have taken the step and although you feel the desire to make your dream come true, something slows you down, stops you or blocks you. It is common to be afraid, fear is human, feeling fear does not necessarily have to be negative, but it does indicate that what you want to do is a great adventure in many aspects and that you have something very important on your hands.
Is it normal that you take so many turns to form a single-parent family?
Of course, having a child is a decision that must be considered and therefore there are several factors that can affect decision-making such as job stability, waiting for a partner to share the idea of creating a family, the approval of our family and the search for parenting supports.
Sometimes women who consider single parenthood can doubt themselves, their motivation to be mothers and even whether they will provide their future son or daughter with a happy and healthy development. Therefore, at some point in your decision making, you may have asked yourself any of the following questions:
Will I be able to do it alone?
Of course, the human being has a great power of adaptation and learning. On a basis of emotional stability, everything else will come by itself. Be practical and trust your abilities. If others have been able, why not you?
Am I being selfish?
Think that if you are in this moment of reflection, you do not do things lightly and that you are going to give your son or daughter the best of you. Yes, it is true, it is not a traditional family to use, but you will be a great family.
What happens if my closest environment does not accept my single-parent family project?
Our families of origin are important, they have raised and educated us and their opinions are relevant in our lives. However, think that you are going to create your own family and that it is your project and not that of others. So share your wish with parents, siblings, etc. But in the event that their opinions are not favorable, do not stop your dream of being a mother. Give them time, but keep moving forward.
Can not having a father affect my child’s development?
This is one of the doubts that generates the most insecurity in future mothers when it directly collides with the idea of a traditional family. However, experts assure that the figure of the father is not essential in the healthy development of a minor. A woman can perfectly perform both parenting tasks associated with the maternal role, as well as functions related to safety and compliance with norms that were normally attributed to the paternal role. Also, think that your son or daughter will be born from the first moment in a different model of family only constituted by a mother and will not miss the figure of a father because he has never had it or been necessary. Boys in their maturation process can find male referents in their closest environment with significant reference figures (grandparents, uncles, etc.). In this way, it will acquire the traditional functions linked to the male role.
Counting the origins in a single parent family: How and when to do it
Our experience as professionals in this field, tells us that from the naturalness and transparency. Each mother will choose the right moment because it is the one who knows her child best and how to do it. However, we recommend doing it from a young age and explaining that above all he or she is the product of love and that, since they did not have a partner, their mother requested the help of medicine to make their most important dream come true. There is various material such as stories or guides that can give ideas and help in this step, as well as having specialized psychologists in this area who will offer the most appropriate guidelines and advice.
What if my life changes and a partner arrives?
Believe again in your ability to adapt. You will be a mother, but also a person who has the right to live intensely in many other spheres of life. Having a partner is one of them and if it makes you happy, that experience will have a positive impact on the family environment. When the time comes you will know what to do, because your child will be your priority and according to that you will walk to one side or the other.
A few months ago we dedicated an episode of our podcast to this family model. We leave you the video so that you can see and hear other women who live single-parent motherhood
Now at this point move by decisions, that these are your impulse to continue, get advice, seek information, explore forums and consult associations related to this topic.
In the Emotional Support Unit At IVI we believe it is very important that the future mother “travel” free of burdens, that you pamper yourself, that you believe in yourself and that you focus your efforts on establishing a strong bond with your child. Better and worse moments will come, but you will learn and overcome them. If you need more specific help, consult our Unit, there you will solve your doubts and we will accompany you on this path. Ahead! You are already a little closer to your dream!
